Thursday, November 6, 2008

The 10 Commandments of Sooner Football

During the past few home games at the Gaylord Family Oklahoma Memorial Stadium, the public address announcer has made it a point to say before the National Anthem that the song ends with home of the brave. This is something coming directly from President David Boren as a few people have raised a stink about Sooner Nation yelling "Sooners!" in place of brave. As if it were some sign of disrespect to all service-people, past and present. I have no idea how it could be perceived that way - disrespect is the people chattering while it is being played.

But my wife leaned over to me and asked me what I would say. I replied, "I'm always freaking yelling Sooners there. It's freaking tradition! Freaking." I then went on to say yelling "Sooners" in place of "brave" is like one of the Sooner Commandments. So of course, I then put together the 10 Commandments of Sooner Football. In Heisman Park, next to Jason White you can find two tablets made of pure bronze with these words inscribed on them. (No, not really.)
10. Thou shalt always believe in "Sooner Magic." Down 28 with 13 seconds to go? No matter. Believeith in Sooner Magic. Sooner Magic is like the wizardry of David Blaine. It doesn't always work and sometimes it really isn't magic at all, but nonetheless, there's always a chance for something weird to happen.

9. Thou shalt always yellith "Sooners!" at the end of the National Anthem in place of the word "brave." This is a bit of a hot topic around here. And let me get something straight: No one is going to accuse me of not being patriotic, about not loving this country or any of that stuff. It's not a big deal. It's not disrespectful. Is the United States not home to the Sooners? Do we not count?

8. When faced with any debate about whose school is better, thou shalt always defer to the follow line: "Seven. Seven baby, seven." Then for good measure rattle off, "Four Heisman Trophy winners, 142 All-Americans, 41 conference championships. What's your school got?" Addendum: If you are arguing with a fan of a school of equal stature (Alabama, Notre Dame, USC) either make fun of the way their coach looks (Charlie Weis), how they cheat (USC and Reggie Bush) or refer to their schools only very recent success (Alabama). And if that doesn't work just say, "Oh yeah? Well did your school win 47 straight? No? Ah-HA!"
7. Thou shalt always put thy finger in the air and say "OOOOOO-U!" on every kickoff, no matter what the scoreboard says. It is a matter of pride.

6. Thou shalt always stand and clap for Boomer Sooner. This is something I learned from my father. He could be sitting in church and the guy next to him is humming it quietly and my dad would stand up and clap. It's like a reflex.

5. Thou shalt be willing to take bullets for the following people: Bob Stoops, Adrian Peterson, Barry Switzer, Brian Bosworth, the Selmon Brothers, Jason White, Joe Washington, Billy Simms, Tommy McDonald, Steve Owens and now Sam Bradford. And Justin Fuente. Just kidding. These are the living Sooners who would be etched in Mount Soonermore.

4. Thou shalt never speak of the years between 1995 and 1999. Those years have been erased in Sooner history.

3. If OU is not given a fair shake or mentioned as one of the best teams in the country, thou shalt promptly complain about a media bias against the Sooners and nonchalantly pass it off on the fact that the media hated King Switzer for some reason and are therefore punishing the current Sooners.

2. When listening to anyone discuss greatest plays, hits, teams or games in college football history, thou shalt always toss the greatest plays, hits, teams and games in Sooner history into the hat. "Oh yeah? Well, Scott Hill's hit on Tony Dorsett should be up there." "What's that? Well I'm pretty sure Keith Jackson's 99-yard end around is one of the best ever." "No, no, no - the 2000 Sooners were everything a great team should be." Addendum: thou shalt argue these things until blue in the face: 1) Josh Heupel, Adrian Peterson and Billy Sims all should have won the Heisman Trophy (Sims as a repeat). 2) The 2003 National Championship game was close. LSU did not blow out or beat down OU. And the fact that the Tigers basically got to play at home was the difference. 3) OU/Texas is the greatest rivalry in the world. Screw Ohio State/Michigan. Until someone has been to the Cotton Bowl the second Saturday in October, they don't know what they're talking about. 4) And just because I didn't have a chance to put it anywhere else, thou shalt always give it up to the Architect, Mr. Bud Wilkinson.

1. Thou shalt always hate Texas. No matter the day, the hour or the second. Texas does, and forever will, suckith.


Anonymous said...

Let's start saying home of the CICI'S!

Zorgon said...

I would never take a bullet for Barry Switzer. He slaps his name on virtually anything, and he ruined Sooner football for the next 10 years. No way, man. Did you know that I grew up on the Sooners sucking because of him? We thought that the Independence bowl was heaven back in 2000.

Then again, I did sit next to him on an airplane once....

keri said...

How old were you in 2000? I'm assuming you are pretty young considering you think Barry Switzer ruined Sooner Football. If you think 3 national championships is ruining Sooner football, well then there's no hope for you. You can thank Coach Switzer for a lot of the success that Bob Stoops is having. Have you ever heard of Howard Schnellenberger and John Blake? THEY were responsible for the 90's.

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