Poo or puke? A tough decision indeed

What's better - a kick in the balls or punch in the gut? Watching two hours of Trading Spaces or WWE Raw? Charlie Sheen or Keanu Reeves? Diarrhea or throwing up? Gus Frerotte or Kerry Collins? John Blake or Howard Schnellenberger? Family Guy or Drawn Together? (That's right, I don't enjoy Family Guy.)

Tough decisions all, but not a one lends a good, clear-cut winning choice.

Sooner fans face a similar choice this weekend: Oklahoma State or Texas? Last year I said the O State/Texas game was like a pillow fight at a sorority house - no matter who loses, we're all winners. OU was in charge of the Big 12 South and anytime your two top rivals play, one has to lose. It's win-win. But not this year. Oh no. It's bad either way for Sooner fans. How could one know who to pick to cast a little Sooner Magic on?

Let me instruct you.

First, you have to look at what benefits OU the most. A Texas win really doesn't do a lot for OU at this point. And OSU win really doesn't either. In fact, the opposite if OSU wins. Sooner fans just get another week of grief as the Pokes start to pound their chest like they're the ones with seven natty titles. Not taking anything away from OSU at all, because they're doing awesome this year, but we all know those wearing bright orange can sometimes be a little... well, overzealous about their team.

But here's the real situation: OU can get to Kansas City one of two ways. Texas can lose twice and OU wins out. That's happened before (see: 2006). Some people see Texas as unbeatable but they have a difficult slate ahead with OSU, at Texas Tech at Kansas and Texas A&M, as bad as they've been, has beaten UT two straight years. Which could be a good thing or a very bad thing. Option No. 2: OSU or Texas Tech beats UT and then whichever team that won (TT or OSU) wins out. Then OU beats the team that beat Texas. That would put three teams at 7-1 in the South and the tie breaker in a three way lock is the highest team in the BCS. Which would likely be OU.

But, something people aren't understanding is that OU does NOT need to win the Big 12 title to play for the national title. The BCS rules are simple: If you are No. 1 or No. 2 at the end of the year, you go to Miami and play for the Sears/Circuit City/Bed Bath and Beyond/Whoever has the rights now Trophy. Currently, OU has two teams in front of it - Penn State and Alabama. The Nittany Lions travel to Columbus this weekend and play No. 10 Ohio State. The Crimson Tide hasn't exactly looked impressive this season, save one half against Georgia. And don't forget, this is college football. Did you watch last year? Anything can happen on any Saturday. A big fatty could get pushed over in Austin this Saturday and roll up on Colt McCoy's knee - season altered. It doesn't take much. Ask Sam Bradford and the Sooners about Lubbock last year. Well, Slick Sammy may not actually remember what happened in Lubbock, but you get the point.

Southern Cal trails the Sooners in the standings by nearly a full point. They play a duff schedule the rest of the way while OU has two teams in the top 10 left. The only way USC makes up ground on OU in the BCS is if voters start favoring them because of the SC lovefest and also because they don't want an OU/UT rematch. A one loss SEC team might be able to to catch OU. If Florida were to win out and win the SEC championship game, they might get a bump because of winning their title game whereas OU didn't even play in it. Which is a bit ridiculous because USC could potentially jump OU and they won't play in a conference title game either.

(deep breath)

Ok. So. That brings us back to the original query. Who should Sooner fans root for Saturday? Oklahoma State or Texas? The bitter rival with years of tradition, but much hatred? Or the rival that has burst onto the scene like Joe the Plumber and will give OU fans an earful if they win?

A Texas loss to OSU means OU fans would have to root for the Pokes to win out until Bedlam. Which might mean OSU being ranked No. 1 in the BCS until Bedlam - which might mean with a Bedlam victory, O.....ahem...S.....U, could play for the Big 12 title and ... excuse me (headbutts keyboard) hgfhdfahfhfasfdwr........ maybe the national title.

A Texas victory means OU fans either root for Tech to beat them or that the Schooners get another shot at the Horns in Miami. Which is awesome and terrifying all at the same time.

Or we can all do what is smartest and makes the most sense: root for neither and just the let the wonderful thing that is college football, sort itself out. It always does. A lot can and will happen before December.

And I choose a punch in the gut, WWE Raw, Charlie Sheen, Dee-a-ree, Kerry Collins, Pass, Reading a book.